A girl just can’t seem to get a break, can she?  If it’s not one thing, it’s a-fuckin’-nother. I know that it’s great to hang out with friends, to have well-rounded relationships, and what other bullshit, but seriously…is it too much to ask to just be left alone once in a while?  God damn PLEASE?!

If you haven’t realized by now, this post is all going to be just one big, giant rant.

So like, on a day where I’m feeling a bit depressed because a great friend of mine left…again,  best idea is to leave me alone to my thoughts and my reminiscing, possibly to an evening run to a coffee shop for our old times’ Irish Monkey binge…”alone” is the key word here.

Sitting in the Outrigger lounge, just thinking…thinking, because thinking is one of the best things you can ever do for yourself so long as you don’t overthink.  Just let yourself go, your emotions flying free for just that briefest moment of time, with not a care in the world except for you, your Irish Monkey, and your happy memories.

But no…no, I was not permitted such a luxury.  Time alone is precious time these days…too precious, limited only to the times I go run my errands and the times I go to the Symphony office to sort through things.

Someone told me today that misery is contagious.  For me, I’ve always believe that if you can’t adapt and overcome, you’re worthless.  I described it as knowing what direction you’re going and not taking the shortcuts or dillydallying along the wayside.  You waste time that way, time that could be better spent channeling whatever negative energy that you have into a positive force.  You can sulk and contemplate just how deserving of  attention you feel your situation is for however damn long you want, but if you’re not going to buck up and fix yourself, choosing instead to wallow in your self-imposed quagmire of self-pity, well…boo-fuckin’-hoo.  Grow a backbone.

Just pick a direction and go.

I’m not a perfect role model.  No one should aspire to be like me, and if they do, they’re idiots.  You should not wish to be anyone but themselves because that’s what makes them most endearing.  If there was one thing I learned from my parents, it’s that you never compare yourself to people lesser than you.  You look at all the other kids with the better grades that you wish you had and you FUCKIN’ GGPWN THOSE BITCHES!  You got a 100%?  I got a 110%, motha fucka.  In yo FACE!

What’s worse than simply comparing yourself to people whom you think are better than you is not getting off your lazy-ass and doing something about it.  And you know what?  I used to be just. Like. That.  Fuckin’ passive-aggressive behavior, motha fucka!

You feel like you deserve more?  You feel like the world owes you something for all of the…pains and, oh, the agony that you live through?  Don’t you fuckin’ wait for someone to tell you what to do.  Get up, shape up, and fuckin’ punt it, because if you don’t give as much as you’re getting, you will be fuckin’ miserable the rest of your insignificant life.

So, hey…you keep asking me “what’s up?”, “what’s the matter?”, “anything I can do?” like what you do can make a lick of difference in light of the bigger picture.  Get real.  I’ll handle my own life.  You handle yours.  It’s not about, “oh, she’s trying to assert herself as an independent woman” such bullshit.  It’s life.  There is no immediate problem.  I just want to be left alone.  Get-fuckin’-over-it!

I also left someone fairly disappointed today.  And guess what?  I get to do it all over again tomorrow…with someone else! *sarcasm sign*

Come on now…give me a break.